Monday, June 25, 2012

Attack of the Sexy Witches

Has the statute of limitations run out on Cabin in the Woods spoilers yet? Or does that not happen until it’s been on video for a month or two?
Just to be considerate I'll move this discussion below the fold for those of you out there waiting for video. For the rest of you, click through for what is possibly the greatest chart since the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness...

I couldn't care less about logic in finely tuned genre riffs like Cabin in the Woods. The story makes less and less sense as it unravels but who cares when they clearly had a blast nailing the details, the best of which is, without a doubt, this whiteboard featuring the office pool for which methods of grisly death the victims will select.
Questions and observations:

  • Angry Molesting Tree is by far the most awesome thing listed on the board. Agreed?
  • Following the film’s release there was much debate over the identity of “Kevin”.  My friend argued it was a comically ordinary name for the Pinhead stand-in, but surely, I countered, "Hell Lord" = Hellraiser. I couldn't find an answer until the debate was settled when someone got this quote from director Drew Goddard: 
    " Kevin, a sweet-looking guy who seemed like he might work at Best Buy - until he dismembers people."

    I didn't notice Kevin during the rampage, but of course I could have mistaken him for an office worker.

  • How great is it that they separate not only Zombies and Zombie Redneck Torture Family but also the Re-Animated as well. I still haven’t seen Re-animator so I’m not sure the subtle distinctions there, maybe someone can fill me in. 
  •  Likewise I love that they draw a line between Witches and Sexy Witches
  • Again, it's the little touches: “The Scarecrow Folk” is much funnier than simply Scarecrow
  •  Of all the possibilities for the story within a story I think the horror archetypes calling forth the Snowman would likely have made for the shittiest possible movie.
  • With "Dismemberment Goblins" I picture the cave dwellers from The Descent although those are really creatures from a diseased branch of evolution and not strictly goblins. Can anyone name a specific movie monster to which Dismemberment Goblins refers? Troll 2 maybe?
  • Same question for Sugarplum Fairy. Specific reference or just a really funny concept for a horror monster. I like to think it is a tribute to the twisted alternate personality tormenting Natalie Portman in Black Swan, but I doubt it.


  1. (spoilers) The decision to explain so much so early in the film may have killed some of the scares for me during the first 3/4 of Cabin in the Woods (sort of if The Truman Show had revealed the twist at beginning).
    The ending was well-made and highly original, I agree.

  2. I don't saw it yet but like to see.I love scary movies.

  3. Just saw the film. The Truman show does reveal the twist at the beginning. And I liked the fact that we knew from the beginning about the "puppeteer" aspect. That raised the stakes for me by wondering what was going to go wrong. Loved it.

  4. @Anonymous: You are right, the audience knows the "puppeteer" aspect from the beginning in both films, though Carrey and the 'Cabin guys' do not. Glad you loved it, maybe I need to give it 2nd chance.